Don’t fill up your Depends when you read this. I’m not going to write anything political in this article. Plus, I’m going to try not to offend anybody, even though I realize that offending the Brain Dead allows them to feel some sort of emotion, which they normally are inherently lacking.

I always enjoy both Christmas and the New Years celebration. New Years is the oldest of all Holidays. It dates back 4,000 years to Babylon, celebrated in spring, and lasted 11 days (sounds like my kind of party). However, in 46 B.C. Julius Caesar established January 1st as New Years Day. It was dedicated to Janus the god of beginnings. January was named after Janus who was two faced (I think I dated her) one looking forward and the other looking backward. In the 7th century it became a tradition to be with friends and drink to excess. Hasn’t changed much, except today we eat Blackeyed peas for luck, if you’re able to eat. We also sing “Auld Lang Syne”. Most usually sing the first verse and fake the rest.

Resolutions are also made. I try not to make any since I still keep the one I made many years ago. “I will always stay close to the one who is dearest to me – “My Bartender”. I was going to resolve to be greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, and overindulgent, but that wouldn’t be a resolution, just a continuation.

Let’s not forget Christmas. I still say “Merry Christmas” because I feel the day is a celebration of the birth of Christ (OOPS, there I go offending somebody). I also believe in Santa Claus. I know from experience that it’s a fact he exists. When I started school the kids said there was no Santa Claus. I was devastated. When I told my mother she assured me he existed. Now, I knew my mom wouldn’t lie to me, but the kids seemed confident that they were right. It was a family tradition that the tree wasn’t erected and the gifts weren’t put under it until I went to bed. Then around 2am I’d be awaken so I could find my gifts under the tree. This night my mom woke me screaming hysterically that Grandpa had caught Santa. I ran like the wind. When, I got to Grandpa he was holding a large piece of red felt. He stood there with a disappointed expression and said,”Billy, I had him, but he was too strong and he got away”. After, I returned to school any kid who said there was no Santa was told the story about Grandpa and Santa. If he said it was a lie, I’d punch him out. My Grandpa wouldn’t lie. I still have the piece of red felt in case
Santa wants it back.

Going to the Airport Hanger Bar in Midway is like Christmas every day. From the ceiling hangs a large replica of a DC-3 with its propellers rotating, as if in flight. Toys abound and you even get a toy airplane, instead of a chip, for a pre-bought beer. Tuesday and her pretty bartenders always make me feel like a kid.

See you on the shiny side of tomorrow.