By Billy “Kneecap” Braddock

Recently, I was in the hospital and they gave me a blood transfusion. I think it must have come from a liberal because in recovery I had some really weird thoughts. I started to believe that Hillary was a “Lady” who would never lie or do anything dishonest. The only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere before is because people like Hillary or Bernie weren’t in charge.

The people should look to the government to provide a structure. Laws are enacted to protect every individual for an equal society sometimes at the expense of economic freedom if necessary. Capitalism and business creates oppression while government creates prosperity. Just look what the government did for the American Indian. Taxes are too low and military spending too high. After all, the military starts the wars not the politicians. Guns in the hands of law abiding Americans are more dangerous than nuclear bombs in Iran. The IRS employee’s tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war. Global Warming is a more important problem then ISIS. Global temperatures are affected by SUVs and not Mother Nature’s recurring cycles in the earth’s climate. The EPA is too weak and needs to pass more regulations. Government regulations have created thousands of jobs just ask the Chinese.

The NRA is bad because it believes in the Constitution, and the ACLU is good because they believe homosexual parades are protected by the Constitution, but nativity displays at Christmas are illegal. Gender roles are artificial, but homosexuality is natural, and everyone should love gay marriage. Our educational system is perfect when a teacher who can’t teach reading, writing or math to 4th graders is qualified to teach them about sex, hand out free condoms in elementary school, and explain that the AIDS virus is spread because of the lack in Government spending. There would be no art if it wasn’t for government spending. We shouldn’t execute murderers but it’s ok to murder innocent unborn babies. There is a need for more racial quotas because self-esteem is more important than earning it. Intentions are much more important than results. Feelings are more important than logic. Everyone should go to a liberal school, watch liberal news, vote for liberal politicians, and only hang with liberal friends because conservatives are homophobic, racist, evil, selfish, arrogant, condescending, argumentative, self-absorbed, and hateful. Support free speech unless it’s politically incorrect. We can stop global crimes against humanity by tweeting #StopGlobalCrimesAgainstHumanity.

Thank God the anesthesia finally wore off and my brain returned to its normal conservative thinking. At first I self-identified as a cat but I couldn’t find the litter box.

Why do they keep hospitals so cold? While I was there I was farting snowflakes.

On my way out I met a very disgruntled orderly. When I asked what the problem was she said, “I spent $96,000 for a BA in Hispanic LGBT studies and a masters in feminist, gender, sexuality studies and I still can’t find a job”. DA imagine that?

Now that I will be going through my cancer treatment I will have more time to write for my blog on my website nobodiesopinion.com

See you on the shiny side of tomorrow.