By Billy “Kneecap” Braddock

If you are coming to Florida for the winter or just for Biketoberfest, I would like to welcome you to the land of the blue Q-tip headed, white knuckled, very slow Buick drivers, who can’t see over the steering wheel. Florida should change its name from the “Sunshine State” to “Geriatric Park”. When cages come from the North they are required to stop at the welcome station to have their directional signals disconnected. There is also a governor put on the accelerator to inhibit the vehicle from exceeding 45 mph on the interstate and 25 mph on all the other roads. Their tires are adjusted so that they always drive in the farthest left-hand lane. It doesn’t pay to yell obscenities at them because they’ve left their hearing aids at home. Flashing your lights at them is fruitless as most of them have Coke bottle bottom glasses with 20/500 vision. They’re unable to see the very wide white line at stop signs and traffic signals until their rear wheel is on it. Most don’t drive at night, so they have no idea how to turn their headlights on when in the rain or fog. Their reflexes tend to be slow, but they compensate for this by keeping their right foot on the gas pedal and the left foot on the brake causing the brake light to always be on. When you are on a multi-lane roadway, be careful when trying to pass them on the right. Changing lanes to them is like playing checkers. Not bothering to check their mirrors, they just move diagonally hoping that the space is empty. Instead of getting Kinged you may get Killed. Pay attention when in parking lots. The elderly drivers have cages that suffer from “unintended acceleration”. I seriously believe the drivers need to be recalled, not the cars.

Experienced riders typically operate their bikes in a more careful manner than most car drivers. Keep in mind that cage drivers don’t always give motorcycles the same courtesy as other types of vehicles.

Hints for riding around this Biketoberfest. Wear brightly colored gear. Watch for distracted drivers who are talking or texting on cell phones. Pay extra attention at intersections. Remember, if the sun is at your back, they may not be able to see you. Watch their wheels. Don’t split lanes. If you want to double the value of your bike – Fill it up with gas.

Since, I’ve been married 12 times I’m considered an expert on the subject. My friend said to me “I just want to get married and be happy”. I said “Pick one”. I told him if he wanted to avoid alimony-stay single. But, if you need to get married you need to learn some communication skills. Learn to say “Yes Dear” or keep your mouth shut. Question: If the bride wears white to show purity, why does the groom wear black?

I have more to say in my blogs on my website nobodiesopinion.com.

Check out my new e-book “How to Plan & Organize a Poker Run” at ThunderRoadsFlorida.com/poker-run.

See you on the shiny side of tomorrow.