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Nobodies’ Opinion Feb 2011

Nobodies Opinion Header

Is February the month of Love?  Well, it starts with the 1st being “Work Naked Day”. Then, we have “National Condom Day” (14th) which coincides with “Valentines Day”. Guys if you want to celebrate “National Condom Day” don’t forget to stop at the jewelry, flower, candy and Hallmark stores.  I was bitten by the Love Bug once and had extreme heart palpitations, but I found the cure “MARRIAGE”. The bug must have been a Tsetse Fly because the marriage lasted as long as its life span and she had sleeping disease during most of it.

Things haven’t changed much. The other day I was sitting with five beautiful women. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Now, for the rest of the story, I was unable to even use any of my brilliant seduction lines because they were all using their cellphones, texting. Now, I’ve lost out to battery driven devices before, but not one that sent and received messages before vibrating.

Love is even blooming in Washington D.C.. Ever since the election results (rearranged for Liberals is Lies-Let’s Recount) there has been a lot of kissing of the posterior. There is so much political correctness going on, one doesn’t know what to call some people. Once, those who entered the country illegally, regardless of what country they came from, were called “illegal aliens”. Today, some politicians and media refer to them many different ways such as, undocumented alien, undocumented worker, undocumented American, displaced foreign traveler, new American, or new democrat voter. One well educated (DA!!) congresswomen even proclaimed that they couldn’t be an alien because they weren’t from outer space. I think she was spaced. Also, I love it when I here that a policeman can’t question the citizenship of someone he has stopped for an infraction and has no identification. I was stopped for speeding last month and I was asked for my licence, registration, proof of insurance and my concealed weapons permit. If I had not provided the Officer with those documents he had the right to question my legality. To get a drivers licence you need a birth certificate, social security card, and proof of residence. I can’t even take a three day cruise without a passport. Also, I hate the phrase “Work Americans won’t do”. Tell that to the 4 million unemployed American citizens who need to feed their families. All this leads me to desparation (rearranged is “A rope ends it” OMG! I used harmfull rhetoric.

Forget all that. Let’s get ready for Bike Week. Now, that’s real LOVE. We all like to use hand signals to communicate information with each other.  Unfortunately, we all don’t use the same. Here are the ones I use. Imagine you’re looking at a clock. When you want to say hello, arm stretched to 8 o’clock with open palm facing forward. To signal debris in the road, arm stretched to 7 o’clock with index finger extended. Left turn point left to 9 o’clock. Turn right point to 12 o’clock. When a cage tics you off, wait ’til the next traffic light, make two fists, extend both middle fingers. Cross the middle fingers. Look at the jerk and say “BLESS YOU”.

Remember, February is also “Marijuana Awareness Month”, and don’t forget me on the 16th, “Do a Grouch a Favor Day” or on the 27th “No Brainer Day”.

So go out and make Love to as many as you can so you can celebrate
“An Affair to Remember Month”.

See you on the shiny side of tomorrow.

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