By Billy”Kneecap”Braddock

April starts off with April Fools’ Day, but I think our politicians and Main Street media believe that Fools Day happens 24/7, 365. Just pick up your local mullet wrapper (newspaper), or turn on your boob tube (TV) and here comes the Bull Squeeze. The distortion and biases are evident unless you were educated in a government school. The prejudice in the press is obvious. I remember reading an article about a biker being run over by numerous vehicles, including a tractor-trailer who was not wearing a helmet. What did not wearing a helmet have to do with it? DA! Then at the beginning of Daytona Bike Week, this appeared in a local mullet wrapper, “The 71st motorcycle rally that routinely attracts hundreds of thousands of bikers and their pipes.” It should have read, “Hundreds of thousands of bikers and their $300+ million dollars.” Double DA!!Sometimes when I read the paper, my blood pressure goes so high I have to call NASA for a reading. “Houston we have a problem.”

Then we have a government that is always looking out for our best interest and does so by telling us how we must live our lives. We live in a Nanny State. Example: an elementary school student’s brown bag lunch of turkey and cheese sandwich, a banana, and apple juice was confiscated because it was not healthy enough. Guess what, it was replaced with? “Chicken nuggets” which are mechanically separated chicken that are washed with ammonia and looks like Pink Goop.

Talking about pink, we also have “Pink Slime”. This is a beef byproduct that includes intestines and connective tissues, washed in a solution of ammonia hydroxide to sterilize it. The Chemical Encyclopedia says ammonia is “highly toxic” if swallowed. Even though McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and Burger King have discontinued using it, and the UK has banned it from human consumption; the FDA and USDA said it is safe for school lunches. Triple DA!!!

With taxes and fuel prices going through the roof, and this being an election year, our politicians are celebrating Fools Day daily. One came up with a 9-9-9 tax reform plan (not as good as the Fair Tax but a start). This administration has its own 9-9-9 plan. $9.99 a gallon! But we’ve been told that our energy problem has been solved. All we need to do is grow Algae. I don’t have enough “DAs!!!!!” for this one. By the way, isn’t “Red Tide” an algae? At least it’s not pink.

One good thing the government has given us is the need to indulge in all the food groups daily.
And since I found out that Hops is a vegetable, I decided to follow the food group program. I start my day with Bloody Marys = veggie/potato (the vodka), fruit/tomato. Then I go to Screwdrivers = veggie/potatoes (the vodka), fruit/orange. For lunch I have a cheeseburger with fries and beers = protein/meat, dairy/cheese, grain/barley (beer & roll), veggie/hops (beer). For dinner I may have hot dogs so I get my share of Pink Slime. Maybe, I will even have some beans so I can do my part in gas production and air pollution. I also found out that Hops can be a flower, so I sent my girlfriend a dozen Buds. My girlfriend is Italian, so I asked her where extra, extra virgin olive oil came from? She said “from very, very ugly olives”.

See you on the shiny side of tomorrow.